In a recent session with my EFT coach, we discussed my reaching out to further expand my coaching business. I told my coach that I am uncomfortable reaching out to others, whether it be on-line or in person, because I expect criticism. And what’s more, this is reflected in extreme body tension — when I imagine connecting with someone new, I can feel constriction in my skull, and my jaw clenching. It’s as if I’m gritting my teeth and forcing myself to go forward, even though I don’t really want to, telling myself, “I’ll get through this ordeal somehow!”.
Clearly this is not relaxing, and not healthy for me. We’ve talked before about how tense and nervous I was as a child. It was a new insight that when I was younger I was in constant conflict with myself from wanting so much to communicate and be understood, yet at the same time bracing against the strong negative response I expected. I have carried more of this pattern forward into my adulthood than I want to, and I’m ready to change this now.
As we tapped and unraveled this dynamic further, I began to see that I approach most if not all social interactions as if I was preparing to give a presentation in my corporate job, or to go into battle! This may be true even if I’m planning to interact with someone I know well. I can’t relax and just be myself — I have to keep my game face on.
So, finally, to vision. Were those thick glasses my armor as a child? As I shed diopter after diopter, decades later when I started vision improvement, more of the Real Me could be seen, and yes, I felt more vulnerable. But I also felt freer and certainly more relaxed. It feels so good to be seen just as I am, no armor, no game face.
This confirms my thought that my continued vision improvement has as much to do with my emotions as with my eyes. I don’t need to push myself or my words “out there”, then brace with a clenched jaw for the flood of return input. I don’t need to attack my surroundings with my vision to be able to see clearly! I want to be “in the flow”, easily letting my energy go out and easily receiving the current of energy coming back from others, like a pleasurable dance. Might you also be working too hard at something that should come naturally?
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I wore strong glasses, then contact lenses, from age 5 into my 40s. While making many mistakes, eventually l learned how to improve the way I use my eyes and to see in a more relaxed, healthy manner. It is my pleasure to coach others to do the same. Visit me at https://NancyLNeff.com.