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+--- Thread: My Vision Journal (/showthread.php?tid=1596)
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 10-25-2012
Nancy: That's interesting. Before I started to work on this fear of mine, I had problems going up the stairs as well. For some reason, I have a tendency to have to kick the step above to make sure it's really there. I don't have as much of a fear going up, but it seems that I trust myself less.
jiminos: Yes, that's great advice! I've actually been working on that for almost a week now, and I am at the point where I can go down unfamiliar flights of stairs without having to look down more than once or twice. Familiar flights of stairs don't even require me to look down. I am experimenting with looking up while going down the stairs, but it feels quite unnatural and I'm not sure if it makes any sense. It's a pretty fun game though. I've also been taking another step forward in increasing my speed. Going faster really isn't any harder; it just requires more trust. You have to trust that you won't slip up and if you do, that your reflexes will be quick enough to minimize problems. Of course, I suppose it is a bit of a concession to even have to consider what might happen if you slip.
I think it's also pretty fun to go down the stairs with the eyes closed. What I am still trying to figure out is what the most natural way of going down the stairs is. What should the eyes be looking at? Yes, and there's that connection again! I suppose they shouldn't really "have" to be looking at anything, but I always find myself asking that question: "What should I be looking at?" I have the same question when I'm just walking from point A to point B or when I am talking to somebody. It's pretty crazy how everything is all linked together. It's one of these moments when I just appreciate the mere idea of vision improvement for what it is and what implications it has.
Re: My Vision Journal - Daniel - 10-25-2012
Remember that people actually do break bones by missing a step while going down the stairs. I had a close call just now.
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 10-26-2012
Daniel: That's true. I am not so crazy as to insist that I don't look down even when I feel unbalanced/ungrounded/etc. But I have played around with it for a while, and there is very little risk to going down the stairs without looking at your feet, provided that you are paying attention. I appreciate the comment though. The risk definitely exists.
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 11-03-2012
Some more observations from my stairs experiment:
1. I've been walking up and down stairs quite often lately and I've actually dug up a fear that I didn't really know existed, or, if I did know, I didn't realize the extent of it. Maybe some of you can relate. Apparently, walking up the stairs without locking my eyes on my feet means that I am going to start seeing some sort of oppositional movement. I am apparently afraid of this movement! I can't say much about why I am so afraid, but I don't think it's unnatural to be afraid when it looks like the ground below you is moving. I suspect that this means that I have suppressed this movement for so long that now it is coming as a shock. Hopefully, I'll be able to take steps to at least reduce this fear.
2. Related to #1: It is extremely easy to go up the stairs with my eyes locked on my feet. That's just the security blanket my mind has manufactured. After some practice, it is also fairly easy to look at about the horizon-level and even above while going up and down the stairs, although I have to go at a fairly slow pace (especially when going up). I think it's just a matter of time before my speed can be increased. Strangely, it is pretty difficult for me to walk down the stairs with my eyes just slightly below the horizon, so that the steps are in the very bottom periphery of my visual field. In practice, this means that I am not really looking at my feet or the steps, but I can notice the movement out of the periphery of my visual field, and this is quite disorienting. This is the fear I was talking about in #1.
3. Related to #2: I am also starting to notice that I am noticing the universal swing more these days. It's strange considering that I have not had much time to do much formal Bates practice; everything has been ad-hoc (five minutes here, five minutes there, etc.). My vision also has not gotten better, but I am starting to get excited because it's starting to look like most of the pieces are there now and it might be simply a matter of time (and whether or not I have time to practice). Anyway, I'm not sure if my experiences with what I think is the universal swing are unique or not, so it'd be great if someone could comment on this.
The most common instance of my seeing something swing without really trying to do anything is usually when I am lying on my bed and I am looking up at the ceiling without really intending on looking at anything. The ceiling will usually start swinging in a rather random fashion. Sometimes I feel the need for my eyes to follow the motion, but I usually try not to think about my eyes and let them do whatever they want.
Another situation is when I happen to be sitting or standing still and happen to be looking at a door. If the door is left slightly ajar, I notice that sometimes I have the illusion that it is closing itself when in fact it is not! Other similar situations pop up all the time. I'll often feel like something in the peripheral of my visual field shouldn't be moving (like a statue), but suddenly I'll feel like it's squirting around (might not be the best description, but it's the first phrase that came to mind) and I always have to turn to see if it's really moving - and of course it never is.
To be honest, I'm not 100% sure if these experiences mean that my peripheral vision is improving or if it means that I am doing something wrong. I'm pretty sure it's a good thing, but it's also pretty hard not to at least consider the possibility that I'm going crazy.
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 11-04-2012
A strange observation:
If I lie down on my bed and look up at the ceiling without really trying to look at anything, I can sort of see this vague "wind" or something coming down at my eyes, sort of like you might see your breath when it's cold. I am not sure if this has anything to do with air or if it's an illusion of some sort. When I move my hand into my field of vision, it seems to inhibit this effect.
Would appreciate it if anyone could comment on this phenomenon.
Re: My Vision Journal - Nancy - 11-04-2012
Pikachu, first, I don't think you're going crazy (unless I am as well!). I enjoy your posts a lot, and your thoughtful approach, especially the attitude that you don't know everything, so you explore things in a curious scientific manner. I sometimes also notice things appear to move slightly, like a door which is ajar seeming to slightly close or open more. I've evaluated this for now as seeing a slight swing (good!), my brain first guessing the door is actually moving, then deciding it's not. I'm aware my visual data comes in slower than for someone with excellent vision, so I am always making initial guesses as to what I'm seeing, then refining them. For the person with perfect vision I think this process happens so fast they're not aware of it, but for me it's still often stretched out a bit. So I sometimes have to stay open and wait for the right image to emerge, a constant lesson in patience and not rushing to judgement.
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 11-04-2012
Nancy, thanks for the reply.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. I have had some pretty funny (in retrospect) reactions to inanimate objects that I thought were moving. I mean, you just don't expect a water bottle to start moving for no reason!
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It actually reminds me of another interesting thing that comes up from time to time. Sometimes, when I am going to sleep, I will enter this half-awake half-asleep mode first in which I am fairly relaxed and not fully conscious of my thoughts but at the same time, I'm not exactly asleep either. I hope I'm not confusing anyone.
Anyway, every now and then, I have some thought or quasi-dream floating around in my mind, and it always seems to be the same. I can't remember it too well now, but now that I think about it, there might be a connection between that and my fear of the ground opening up and swallowing me whole. The quasi-dream goes something like this: I'm walking around (location varies), and suddenly, for apparently no reason at all, as I take another step (always my right foot), there is emptiness right below my foot (sort of like when you don't realize that there is a change in elevation on an otherwise flat sidewalk), and as I dip my foot down, it doesn't touch anything. At that moment, I become fully awake and my whole body jolts as a very quickly force my right foot up, like I'm trying to avoid falling into a bottomless pit.
What's strange about this isn't the quasi-dream itself, but the actual physical reaction I have to it. I hadn't given it a whole lot of though until now, but it may well be that my fear may be deeper than initially thought. Maybe this is one of the things lying at the root of my myopia. Who knows?
Re: My Vision Journal - Bifocal - 11-04-2012
Both of you are only experiencing pressure changes on your retina.
Slight changes of internal pressure of the eyes fluids have an effect that both of you have described.
This is quite common in the elongated myopic eye,with out correction.
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 11-04-2012
@Bifocal: Thanks for the response.
I suppose that's a possibility. But the fact that I am only beginning to notice this now after years and years without having ever noticed should be considered a good thing, right? At the very least, I would think that this means I am more aware and more in the moment.
It might also be a good explanation for the illusion I mentioned earlier. I might explore this one a little more.
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 11-09-2012
I'm starting to notice something come up every now and again:
Sometimes, when my eyes pass over some text (in print or on a screen) without stopping to process any of the words (with my vision I can't see more than a blur as my eyes zip by), I will suddenly have a word/phrase pop into my head. It's a very strange feeling, almost like I've just had an epiphany. The feeling goes something like this: I KNOW that the word/phrase that just popped into my head MUST lie somewhere in that text, but I don't know where it is. Usually, it's a wall of text - that is, an entire page's worth - and it takes me a fairly long time to find the word/phrase I'm looking for. Occasionally, I'll go through a couple of times really quickly and not find it, but when I slow down and go word by word, I inevitably find the magic word/phrase!
Have any of you ever experienced this before? It doesn't happen all that often to me, but it's happening more and more lately. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that I have psychic powers. Apparently, under all of those layers of strain, my eyes can still function properly for a fraction of a second to process text before I am even aware of what my eyes have done! Quite impressive.
Re: My Vision Journal - Nancy - 11-10-2012
Cool! I can't say I've ever experienced this but will look for it now. It feels like a "clear word flash", one element in David's "explosion of details" briefly emerging with clarity, your central fixation working perfectly. You may be psychic too, but I don't think this proves it -- sorry!
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 11-12-2012
Haha, I don't think I'm psychic.
I guess I never looked at it that way before, but it does sound a lot like what Bates described as perfect vision for a fraction of a second, so brief to the point that one doesn't even realize it until later. Also reminded me of the story about the old lady who after relaxing her eyes, somehow managed to put her hand on a doorknob she couldn't even see!
Re: My Vision Journal - Pikachu - 01-04-2013
Another one of my sporadic updates.
I've recently decided to approach my problem from a different direction. Given that I don't have much time for formal practice and that a lot of the "practice" I seem to be doing doesn't seem to be relieving much strain (and might be adding to it), I am going to try a "less is more" approach. Or "addition by subtraction". By now, I have noticed that the single most common manifested strain of mine is caused by a tightening of the legs (mostly) and the arms (sometimes). So if I could be mindful of these areas throughout the day and keep them from being so strained, then it would seem that this would go a long way towards permanent vision improvement. It makes sense to me, so now it's just a matter of execution.