Hello everyone. Whenever I make eye contact with people I freak them out. I feel like I tense my eyes and this is sometimes mirrored in them by having them squint back at me and then look away (like its too much strain for them to feel) I've even had people I talk to for elongated periods rub their eyes around me. They can FEEL the tension. Also, whenever making eye contact with people I get nervous / tense / weird and I find it SUPER hard to listen or concentrate on what they're saying. This happens to everyone I talk to, any ideas? I think it's because I STARE at people when they talk. But I dont want to look all shifty-eyed and weird either. Please help, I want to be a social cool guy, not a staring tense nervous freak that noone can connect with or want to talk to.
Me too I have a little bit this feeling. I made a post about that this summer and nobody ever replied to it even if it contained lots of infos...
When you look at someone, your can look at one eye, then at the other, then at the nose, you certainly understand the principle...
Also, pratice in front of the mirror to blink normally. When you blink normally, you don't feel like if your sight was interrupted, its fast, comfortable and it remove strains of all kind.
By praticing that, you will see that it will become easier to do eye contact!
When I look at someone now I look at them gently, sending caring from my eyes if I know them & human kindness if I don't. Like Alexandre I make sure I am blinking enough, & I also shift around their eyes, sometimes in a slow infinity sign around their 2 eyes. For many years I didn't look people in the eyes at all, then when I started NVI I tried to look at their eyes, straining. As you say, this was uncomfortable for them too. Like everything else I look at it, now I look with relaxation & it seems to go much better. Someone told me last year that my eyes looked kind & I was so thrilled! Coming out from behind the protective shield of eyeglasses can be scary: just let your real self shine out through your eyes & you'll be fine.
Nancy
I have had a surprising number of people tell me that I look a bit malicious when making eye contact with them. Last year, my French teacher even once apologized to me after class, mistakingly judging from my eyes that I was offended by what he was saying! Perhaps it is a sign of strain. . .
Let them know that you are myopic - especially if they have normal 20/20 vision. Put your glasses on once in a while. My theory is that there is an interaction between those who see clearly and those who do not. But they need to know that your vision needs help. Then they will unconsciously, subliminally help you. Don't look down for too long on anything or anyone. :-\
Maybe try pretending you're watching them on tv, like its a video game, or just a moving picture. [I should emphasize the "moving" part ]
Doing this may help you distance from the situation just enough to be more comfortable. You may be trying to "be there" too much, being too focused and directed. Don't try to point so much with your eyes. Just let the "TV" picture be what it is and interact with it the way you would with an adventure video game.
After all, the world really is something we are witnessing thru the "screen" of our eyes. And the eyes cant "do" anything so we may as well not even try.
My experience with this is also very weird. I am looking the person in their mouth as they speak.
When I started this training, and it was 11 month ago, I had Janet Goodrich's book in my hands initially and I read there that it is very usual for people with poor vision usualy not to look the person into their eyes. I was astuned. It was news for me somehow. i realised that I am unconsciously looking them into mounth. Then whenever I was speaking to someone I started looking into their eyes, and it was scary at first. I faced my fear to look people into their eyes. But it was also amazingly good feeling of freedom, most of them will accept that look, I started understanding that we also communicate with our eyes. I started feeling as a part of the other person's world, and in global as a part of this nice world.
So, something like Nancy has experienced. I still don't know what this fear is and what to do wiht it. And I still look people into their mounth when they speak. I remember in school english teacher mentioned how she liked I am looking her into her mounth as she was teaching lecture, and I thought I should continue as it is very good for teachers.
I was also asking other people with good vision where do they look, and they said in eyes and that it is embarassing to look other person into some other part of the body. I was also observing other people and confirmed they look at you into your eyes.
And about softness, I noticed while wearing glasses/contact lenses , that every speaker will look at me, even in public speaking and with friends/relatves. I then started thinking I must be staring or having so strong and heavy look that I am attracting other people's looks.
Now, without glasses I would say noone is noticing me when I look at them, just by looking. I was testing and while wlking on streets I would look into people as they pass me by and into their eyes as well, and rarely someone will return, but even then it is very soft look.
I realised that people return the same that you give them. If you send a lot of fear from your eyes, they quicky reflect fear from their eyes. I was then wondering how come some person for example with person X has such a nice chat and then when talking to me would become so stiff and less happy and chatty. And it is due to my eyes, and messages that I am passing thru eyes, if it is fear they return fear, if you send happines and lough then it is the same coming from them.
So, now I have much softer look and I try to be aware and look into their eyes. If you don't it's experienced by other person as you are hiding and they feel insecure then.
Thanks for raising this post, as you can see I had a lots of thoughts on this topic and am very happy to share it and also can't wait for other comments.
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