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What dyou do with your attention when listening to someone?
#1
So I dunno how this happened but over the years I sort of developed a bit of anxiety and confusion and just a whole lot of over-analyzing about how and where to look when listening to someone. It's become super conscious to where I am aware of every shift I do, wondering whether I did it right, wondering whether I am making the other person nervous, etc.. It's become kind of a mess that prevents me from communicating well.

So for y'all that have improved your vision, or those that don't have any problem socializing and listening to others.....what d'you do with your attention and your gaze? D'you still place attention on very tiny details of the persons face? I feel like when I do that I make the person more nervous, as if I'm staring at them and judging them or something, and it distracts me somewhat from paying attention to what they are actually saying. I know my logic is probably off here somewhere but I don't really know where. It's all a bit confusing trying to change the way I see in every moment and applying this to eye contact, talking, listening to people etc. Personal detailed anecdotes would be much appreciated. I think........because this has become so conscious for me and it's on my mind a lot, I can't simply "forget" about it. So I need to figure out how to consciously get better at this.
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#2
ted,
I know what you're talking about. When we got into the vision improvement road, we start to over complicate it more than it is, theorizing and analyzing crazy things (like you are noticing) which make the process very confusing. That said, we create a lot new bad habits in an 'attempt' to fix other, by means of 'brute force', i.e thoughts that cause strain, and those attempts always fail.

From the doctor:
"...This relaxation cannot, however, be obtained by any sort of effort. It is fundamental that patients should understand this; for so long as they think, consciously or unconsciously, that relief from strain may be obtained by another strain their cure will be delayed."


So I'm going to recommend you to forget about your eyes, as David says, thinking about their movement is a strain, so I'd let my attention shift from one eye to another, then to the nose, etc. You are trying so hard, thus creating unnecesary strain, thinking about shifting your eyes while communicating with someone is not the right way, it's interfering with your ability to listen, don't be afraid to let your attention wander to another object then go back to person's face. And, last, observe people with normal vision and see how they do it.
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#3
Yes, thank you for this response. A while back it came to a point where I felt like if I didn't force myself to move my eyes I would be forcing myself to not move my ways. So I was stuck in one of two bad places, it was awful at times. But I'm starting to see that there is, in fact, another way. I think there is something going on here that I did not "get" before, called conscious effortlessness. It almost seems paradoxical, but it's the whole basis to getting over this dilemma, I think. I really appreciate feedback on this one, thank you.
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#4
You are not alone, I think, it's very common to fall in this hole of weird things in this journey, I myself was there for a long time, maybe 2 years, and one of the strangest thing that I did and brought me a lot of unpleasant experiences was when I started to notice the 'oppositional movement' everywhere, at first it felt ok (because it improved my vision a bit sometimes) and nothing wrong seemed to be happening here, but as months passed I started to feel really fatigued, dizzy and lack of energy and my vision got worse and had to stop doing it inmediately, certainly I was fooling myself thinking what I was doing was right when It was actually a strain, though I was not aware of it. So it's very important to keep in mind that: if a technique didn't work after a few trials or minute, its causing strain and more blur, so don't do it. If a technique improves your vision everytime, then you are doing it right, a good way to measure relaxation is to just notice if your vision is clearer. Remember that all habits feels natural, whether they are right or wrong. Remember to play with it and discover how you are straining.

This one could be of interest for you:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.central-fixation.com/better-eyesight-magazine/better-eyesight-1921-10.php#let-eyes-alone">http://www.central-fixation.com/better- ... eyes-alone</a><!-- m -->

Best,
Deliverance
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#5
That's a nice article. Heh, how dyou not do? Seems to be the trick. I've sensed it, I've had tastes of it. I'm starting to think a lot of it can have to do with patience. When David describes myopia as an attention disorder I think it has to do with not being patient enough and getting distracted too much by unnecessary things which causes this desperate, frantic tension of searching for the right things to do. It's a weird pull, when there is an anxiety that compels you do something, rather than doing something because it came to you in a fluid, stress free way.
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