OFFICIAL NOTICE OF NEW MANAGEMENT OF VISION FACILITIES
EASYVISION CO. are now managing this facility after the liquidation of STRAIN & SONS LTD.
Here follows EASYVISION CO's policies and practises for staff:
Well, first of all, let's not get all anxious and stressed - we are an easy company to work for and we never hurry. Ever.
So let's just have a sit down with a coffee (or tea) and chat about where things are at. Get used to the informality, because this is how we work. Fancy a custard cream....?
I suppose our policies and practices are like this,
We understand that you have a life outside of vision improvement. Family commitments, other interests, etc. Well we positively encourage you to engage in this. You don't want to be in the office any more than you need to. We see it as counter productive.
We don't do pressure or stress here. There are no KPTs or KPIs. We are more concerned with finding the easiest way to do our job and we take lots of breaks. If a staff member underperforms we give them a holiday as they usually just need a good rest and have probably spent too much time in the office anyway.
We don't rush here. (Did I already mention this?)
We like our staff to be intuitive. If they think something else may work better apart from the guidelines, we let them get on with it. In our experience there is always something to be learned from tweaking old practises, even when we get it wrong.
Please try to enjoy yourself here. We don't like frowns on faces. Anyone caught being a bit too intense is sent for a compulsory break.
There is never any rush. I think I touched on this already.
Please remember, this job is not the most important thing in the world. It is a means to an end, and the end result is a fulfilling life, with or without clear vision. We believe that only by engaging with life can our work in the office produce lasting quality results.
Finally, when you arrive at the office at whatever time in the morning you fancy, just remember - there is no rush. You have all day.
This morning I found it difficult to mentally focus. My own long journey with the Bates Method has been a catalogue of replacing one kind is strain with another, and periods of obsession with eyesight improvement and periods of apathy. Neither are productive. I came to the conclusion that mental focus is the key, and so this journal is kicking off from this perspective.
So, I couldn't seem to apply mental focus this morning. Or at least I didn't feel up to making an effort with it. The mental focus which I am talking about is to centre my thoughts on what I am doing, and putting thoughts on the condition of my eyesight into the background. This way my mind regains it's freedom to shift around all the other things I am aware of but only thinking one thing best at a time.
I decided, then, to spend the day making no particular effort at mental focus. After spending several days conditioning myself to focus mentally I felt that maybe today I need to step back completely and allow my mind to automatically behave in a focused manner while just being aware of any tendency for my attention to get stuck on my eyesight. I think it is important to give our eyes and mind space to put into operation what we have been drilling them recently. After all we are aiming for effortless and automatic clear vision. Sometimes the teacher needs to step back from the pupils (excuse the pun) and allow them to find their own way and apply what has been taught.
The results were positive but I undramatic. I experienced generally better eyesight consistently through the day. No clear flashes or anything like that, but a fairly steady level of improved clarity. A couple of times I used my glasses as I knew in those situations I would strain and end up with a day long migraine instead. Better to wear your glasses now and then rather than trying to bite off more than you can chew. I think that the important thing to remember when you have to resort to glasses is don't get stressed about wearing them. This only ever causes me discomfort. Just enjoy the temporary artificial clarity. Glasses are not evil. Before we discovered the Bates Method they served us well enough. They are just not the best option.
I think it has been a productive day and another good lesson in eyesight improvement. I would prefer a steady but slow improvement to my eyesight without the fireworks of the clear flashes than the false sense of security of the technique which works like magic one day only to completely stop working the next day and leave you in the valley of visual despair. This has often been my experience.
Intensity. This is not helpful. Or at least the kind of intensity I am about to describe: I have to lean into my laptop to read and I sometimes sit back and try to induce the ability to read the text on the pages without leaning in. From the moment I first look at the blurry screen an intensity begins. I believe this intensity is locked attention. So I say to my self "no intensity" and look at the screen like it is the first time I have glanced at it, moment by moment. I am thinking that this is how freeflowing attention works - moment by moment the attention is regarding the screen like it is the first time it is being regarded - on and off, on and off, on and off. This is the feeling I get when i say "no" to intensity. This is backed up by the fsacy that the first moment I look at the screen from this increased distance, there is no discomfort around the eyes. My attention for that moment is working correctly. But before it can establish a clear image, the initial on and off fraction of a second, I freeze my attention. Attention, I am thinking, only exists like pixels which pulsate in and out of existance. Rather than allow this to happen by inhibiting my intensity, I treat attention like a continuous unbroken line. I am trying to make a pixel of attention which lasts but a moment stretch itself out unnaturally over a period of time beyond the life of this one pixel. By doing this i am inhibiting the formation of the next attention pixel, and so on. Have I lost you yet? I very nearly lost my self there!
Ok, try this: Look at text beyond your comfortable vision parameters. That first tiny moment you look at it i think you will experience the normal looseness in your eyes which would accompany normal vision. But in that next tiny moment you react to the blur. Now in the following tiny moment you get the usual discomfort and sense of strain around the eyes. This is where you are trying to see. Now stay where you are and imagine you have just looked at the text for the first time again. You will find yourself automatically practising good vision habits such as blinking and shifting. Even your posture will remain unpright. Keep running this drill over. You will probably find you take some deeper breaths too. Allow your mind to wander a bit, but don't force it. Follow your attention, don't try and lead it. If you are feeling discomfort then you are being intense and that only happens if you get stuck in the same moment. Look up, loosen any stiffness in your neck. Don't be conscious of how long it is taking to see more clearly as each new moment is a new moment of attention, fresh and vibrant. If it helps, look up and back again to the text, up and back again - this will reinforce the feeling I am trying to get across. Remember, each moment is the first time you have looked at the screen because for each attention pixel it really is the first time the screen is being regarded. Allow your thoughts to wonder and if it feels right allow your imagination to engage with what you are expecting to read on the screen. Keep replaying this activity and notice the fluidity of movement and thought.
I was writing this as I was analysing the process and drilling it. The things I described I was experiencing. I got some brief clear flashes, and in fact I am experiencing a pretty good one right now. I think this needs practise and could be a valuable excercise to add to my/your arsenal. If anything it get's me experiencing good vision habits, rather than trying to artificially force good vision habits which instead cause me strain. So this excercise recalibrates attention of the mind and reprograms the physical operation of seeing.
Have been a bit ill today. Developing a flu. On days such as this I don't tax myself too much. Decided to just let my vision processes have some free flow. A few times I gently and briefly did the exercise I described yesterday. Simplified it somewhat by recognising that each moment of renewed attention (the idea of looking at something for a while but treating each moment like it is the first time I have glanced at it) is accompanied by a shift or blink or movement of the head. These good vision habits are a natural, easy and unforced result of the mental exercise.
In the past I used to focus my efforts on the physical exercises only. Sometimes they worked well, but I did get bored of doing them. This is when the mental focus is lost. This is when they stop working. This is my theory anyway. I never realised at the time that it was probably my mental state which was hindering my progress. So I gave up on the eye exercises. I even stopped trying to practise the good vision habits in daily life as well because they always ended up creating more strain for me after an initial period of clarity. I just concluded that this approach did not suit me as an individual. Often the giving up of controlling my eyes (yes even the good habits) resulted in a sense of release and clear eyesight. But after a while it would dull down again. Most of my experience was therefore no particular strain through too much effort with Bates practises, yet no particular impressive clarity of vision. There was some thing which I wasn't getting. Some kind if middle ground between trying too hard and not trying at all.
Eventually I discovered some mental tricks. One example was a time when I decided to think differently about where the problem was. I concentrated on the thought alone that it is my mind which is strained and not my eyes. This idea came from a mention of mental strain in something I read to do with the Bates Method. I couldn't pin point what mental strain actually was but the very thought that it was my mind with the problem and not my eyes brought about one of the best periods of time where I experienced flash-like quality of vision consistently. I felt like I didn't have to do anything with my eyes and I felt free. Free of effort. Free of even having to practise good vision habits. My eyes were functioning seemingly perfectly for what may have been half an hour or longer. This was followed by the mother of all migraine headaches! (Well it was bad enough by my standards anyway - not to insult proper migraine sufferers). I could not sustain this thought anyway and judging by the headache it was probably too much too soon. But I learned that the problem is primarily in the mind. It wasn't until recently I concluded that during times such as this I was thinking one thing best.
My approach therefore is a mental one when it comes to vision improvement. I find that it all ties in well with the Bates Method which is just as well as I have every faith in it. I find that good vision habits follow the right state of mind. Practising good vision habits without the right state of mind feels forced, uncomfortable and actually a hindrance to perceiving life. I have read a few posts on this sight before I signed up and found people who were clearly doing this. I completely sympathise with them. Eyesight improvement using the Bates Method should be joyous, easy, effortless and an enhancement to our perception.
So back to today. Not a bad day with my vision considering I have had less intention than I usually would with mental focus. Usually I would be more proactive with centralising my awareness of the here and now. I find this works with improving my vision in the moment. But I haven't cracked it yet and I am still learning how to think one thing best without mental strain and effort. The useful thing about the less than ideal conditions today (being unwell) is that I have to find more gentle ways to find that central fixation of the mind. This too is another lesson for me.
Feeling rough again today because of flu. Another opportunity to find the easiest way to apply mental focus. Basically, whatever I do I have a propensity to strain. Even thoughts can be a strain. Sometimes it helps me to just "know" that I have a particular thought or imagery in my head. If that makes any sense to you?!?
Sometimes it helps me to just know that the letters on a sign out of my range of focus are nice and sharp and black. By acknowledging this fact I can get the slight sensation of release around the eyes and a tiny bit of stinging - signs that my eyes are relaxing.
These kind of techniques are so subtle that it is no wonder that people with normal eyesight are unconscious of how they are processing clear vision.
It is about doing less and less, but we an only do less when we perceive the unhelpful extra we are doing. We think we are thinking one thing when that thought is actually accompanied by thoughts and feelings if frustration, strain, an agenda to see clearly instead of truly perceiving the thing we are looking at...the list may go on.
It was my son's weekly swimming lesson today. I watch from the viewing area. Last week I was thinking "I am watching my son's swimming lesson" like it was one thing best. Focusing my mind (not my eyes) on this thing I was doing. This brought about a few good flashes. Today I thought the same thing but this time in my understanding the word "watching" also mean't seeing clearly. To watch is to see (clearly) and to see is to watch. Like they are the same thing. So this more philosophical view of this one word automatically seemed to kick out any thought of strain hiding in there. This too brought about the brief sense of release and the resulting clear vision - the kind of vision which wraps itself around objects and gives them three dimensions.
I observed a sign at the pool across from where I was sitting. A red sign with white letters. Usually just pastel red and blurry pinkish streaks from my point of view. I practised my new exercise of looking at something for a while but treating each moment like it is the first time I have looked at it. I am aiming to keep hold of the initial but very brief relaxed state of mind and eyes I experience when I casually glance at something. Usually the thing in question is still a blur when I do first glance at it but after a moment a feeling of tightness and rigidity enters the situation. So I looked at the red sign and imagined each passing moment that I had only just glanced at it then (maybe a similar feeling to physically shifting to and from a particular object). The good vision habits started to naturally kick in and I found that I was performing classic Bates Method eye exercises with a relaxed/focused mind and flashes of clear white readable letters on he red sign.
Another thought on central fixation of the mind: Be aware of all the things in my thoughts and perceptions but notice particular things one at a time until I find myself thinking one thing best.
It started by just deciding to relax as i looked at something (text on the screen again) and to see what happens. Wait for the point where the relaxation/increasing clarity stops and go from there. While I was doing this it occurred to me to treat this actio/lack of action as a journey. So in my mind I decided that I was going to watch the screen like I would watch the changing scenes of a film on TV or the changing scenery through a window of a moving vehicle...or whatever - a journey, you get it? So my attitude was that everything which happens before my eyes such as text changing to darker black, seeing double, ghost images, blurring again, sensations changing around my eyes etc., this is all part of the journey which only goes in ONE direction. Forward. So, if it seems I am experiencing a pattern of vision changes I do not view this as going around in a circle or regressing, but simply the ongoing journey of my eyes and mind finding their own way. I am not trying to make them do anything, and neither am I trying to use good vision habits. All I am doing is watching things change with the thought that this is a journey. It may seem that I have visited certain parts before, but I have not because I am further down the road. It is just a similar hill, or bend in the road to last time. But there is no way it is going to be exactly the same because it is impossible to go through life and not learn something. A part of my journey is to follow the natural desire to want to look up and move my head around to relieve some neck tension. i come back to the screen and it looks blurry again but this is only the next part of the road of the journey. So am relaxed, I am not straining, i am accepting what I am seeing, I am not letting myself get bothered by seeming patterns of strain which try to tell me i am going around in circles. It is impossible to go round in circles if I am staying relaxed and viewing this experience as a journey - a one way ticket to relaxed clear eyesight...eventually.
So I found that by focusing on the journey thought (one thing best) good vision habits kicked in again including breathing and looking away and loosening my neck. I didn't do these things because I was told to by some program, but because I naturally wanted to. I don't know how many minutes I did this for but just before I stopped to write this I had gained a longer duration of seeing the text more clearly than usual and I was not trying to keep the clear image either because even that is part of the journey. It is important to remember this. Clear vision is part of the journey. Another mile or so of poor vision may be necesary afterwards as part of your mind's learning process. If you experience a considerable time of clear vision and think you have "arrived", you have not as your journey continues - maybe through some more bouts of poor vision yet to come, or super human vision or complete optimum mental functioning or a revelation of the mysteries of the universe....It's still a journey.
Have been quite ill with flu last few days. I have not felt up to making any kind of effort with my eyesight. This tells me something: My approach to the Bates Method is one of strain and effort. Surely if I was doing it properly I would find the practise of the Bates Method relaxing and rejuvenating, eliminating existing strain in the same way as any other relaxing practise.
That doesn't mean to say that what I have learned so far is a waste of time, but no matter what insights, knowledge, and techniques I pick up, they are not much good if I am still straining to see.
So in my state of strain I look at the objects in front of me and ask myself, "What is the easiest way to see? What kind of seeing is going to make me feel more relaxed now?" I realise that it is important not to feel strained, so the primary aim is relaxation, not clear eyesight. I just want to look at what is in front of me as it is (blur) and do so in such a way as to induce greater relaxation.
Obviously with my knowledge of the Bates Method I use central fixation. When done in a relaxed way I find that I learn what central fixation isn't. It is NOT:
Narrowing your field of vision. (Everything around the central point starts to go dark as you increasingly and unnaturally withdraw your peripheral attention from everything around the central point.)
Trying to focus your eyes on the central point.
Disproportionate attention on the central point compared to the periphery. (Yes, we should see the centre best, but does that mean we see the rest that much less? There is probably not that much difference between how well we are supposed to see the centre compared to what is immediately around the centre. We see the centre best in the same as as 100 is more than 99 perhaps. Obviously the further from the centre the greater in attention the difference is.)
So for me, central fixation is an attention focal point at the centre of my vision whereby I am allowing my eyes to naturally focus (as much as they want to) on the centre (or rather, part of a thing - this is important as I believe that our minds will be more relaxed at assimilating part of a tangible object than the acedemic/abstract concept of the centre of our field of vision). I am not too conscious of the centre, and after all, the centre for me at this stage is quite big, but I am a bit more aware of it then the rest of my field of vision. It's gentle, relaxing and feels quite natural, the same way that sometimes when you are thinking about something you notice that your visual attention is fixed upon a small area and moving about over it my itself.
To put it ever so simply, I find it relaxing to have an awareness of the centre of my field of vision. I feel my eyes naturally responding and focusing. When I just look at the scene in front of me blankly, having my attention on everything but nothing in particular, there remains the feeling of strain and a lack of rest.
I don't have too see the centre clearly at all. I have just got to be more attentive of it than everything else. Then the relaxation comes, and with it clearer eyesight. I don't even have to be thinking about what I am looking at, as long as my eyes are allowed to do what they do properly.
I think also there is an affect within the mind simultaneous to this practise and it is this: One thing at a time. This is the opposite to the confusion, stress and dullness of mind which comes from trying to think about everything at once.
I think it is also good to let your attention shift from what you are seeing to other things going on and back again naturally. Don't try and hold your attention on your vision (it will be back there soon enough) as this will freeze it. I'm sure that when I had normal sight I didn't force my attention to stay on my visual field - it moved freely between various things though it was so natural and fluid, I didn't notice it. Holding our attention in the visual field in an attempt to make our eyes see better is just another unwanted and tiresome counterproductive strain.
We already have some central fixation, otherwise we wouldn't see at all. I decided to just let my eyes behave how they normally do and I was aware that I am looking at one area best. There is always something I am focused on more than the periphery, even if it doesn't look much clearer. I also know that if I try to make that area smaller it eventually leads to strain. So instead I just make myself aware of the weak central fixation I already have. Maybe this way it will naturally narrow down to the small spot as long as I am not straining. I'll see how it goes. It is the closest thing I can come up with to relaxed vision whilst still using my eyes/attention in the right way. I started doing this late today and it bore some positive results.
This morning I have been aware how I easily get distracted from my awareness of my existing central fixation by wanting to look up in a "test passing" attitude if I am doing something on the computer. I haven't been aware of this habit for a long time now. I need to make sure I am not distracted from the thing my attention is genuinely on. I have to resist this unless it is something other than visual test passing which distracts me - and these distractions are welcome. It is all about not being stressed about my eyes and just relating to the things I see in my central field. I am aware of my cf even when looking at the computer screen and I think that as long as I am developing a habit of awareness of this cf then I am doing the right thing. I have to break the habit of deliberately looking at something to see if I can see it clearly. This is basic beginner stuff but I lost awareness of this bad test passing habit a long time ago. I think this is a positive indication I am doing the right thing.
Today I have been practising my awareness of my central fixation as it is. Sometimes I am not mindful of it but that is ok and normal I would say. When I remember to be aware of it I just observe where my attention is and I find a general improvement in my sight after a short while. Now and then what I am looking at is not clearer than the surroundings but I resist the temptation to interfere and I just keep observing that my attention is on one thing best, even if that thing fills a large area of my visual field. I think maybe this is the correct practise of central fixation as the results are positive and the practise is very passive. Maybe just being aware of what central fixation is brings it about when we try to observe it. I don't try to make the cf area smaller as that would be forcing it. I just allow it to become what it should be by itself. I have been getting a looser feeling in my eyes, but with some tightness although the sensations around my eyes are always changing. It feels like the muscles around my eyes are more active, or trying to be more active. I have felt no major strain which I often end up getting with more active techniques, and a more steady level of visual clarity instead of the highs and lows I get when being more active with eyesight improvement.
I believe the process has to be restful and passive. I am very much against anything which is an effort and consumes too much mental energy or attention. In my experience these things are counter productive. Natural good eyesight is an automatic mechanism. If we do Bates practises from the wrong point of view then we just interfere with that mechanism instead of facilitate it. I think we easily misunderstand the Bates Method nowadays. I don't know if it's a generational thing or not.
Anyway, I will keep on trying this approach as long as it bears good results. It feels like an easy way, and that's how I believe it should feel.
I have been practising central fixation for a few days now. Basic stuff, I know. But I think for the first time in years I have been practising central fixation properly.
I make myself aware of what my eyes are looking at. Maybe this simple act of awareness causes the attention to fixate on something. So, I notice that I am looking at one particular part of the scene in front of me. Sometimes it appears I am not looking at anything in particular but by just being aware, my attention soon picks up on something. I just continue this monitoring of my visual attention. I sometimes have to resist the urge to strain to see, but just deciding to be aware of the fixation area seems to distract me from straining. I allow my attention to move around, sometimes seemingly auto matically and other times deliberately, but only because I am interested to see a different area of the scene. Nothing is done just to satisfy the formula of shifting. I am simply just allowing my attention to shift around naturally according to my desire. My thoughts naturally wonder and I allow this. This actually seems to be helpful. Sometimes when my attention returns to my visual field, it's relatively good. Either way it never takes long for my vision to clear somewhat by noticing my central fixation (which, as I said, may well come into being by the act of awareness alone). Also, when I am being aware of where my attention is, there is a corresponding release of physical tension along with the clearing of my vision. On occasion I have tried to use this to make my eyes see. I quickly learn that this only causes strain and so I stop expecting or trying to see clearly and just return to the simple, easy exercise of just noticing where my attention specifically is in my field of vision. Sometimes I think that my attention shifts the moment I notice it's fixed point. Often my point of central fixation is bigger than the area I want to see clearly, but that is ok. I just allow it move and notice the next area, or point and seem to get on well this way without wanting to strain to see. Often the area of my attention will shrink down to a small point. There won't necessarily be an increase of clarity but I still feel that this is helpful.
The results for me have been consistent release of physical tension along with an improvement in my eyesight during those moments. There has been changing sensations around my eyes but no major discomfort which often comes with straining. There has been no sense of having to put all my mental energy into the activity as it requires very little, and seemingly a minute amount the better I get at it. There are periods of time where my eyesight is better than usual even when I am not being aware of my central fixation.
Today I was painting a bedroom. Usually after this specific activity I notice improved vision and less tension around my eyes. When I am decorating like this I tend to get lost in my thoughts and I find the act of painting a wall quite therapeutic. When I finished painting today I had a partial flash (not 20/20 like vision but like having a new set of eyes which don't work perfectly but are vastly better than my usual ones). This flash lasted beyond an hour. I was waiting for it to go. The light outside dropped after an hour and that may have contributed to the eventual loss of the flash, but even now, about four and a half hours later, my eyes are responding a bit better to my noticing my area of fixation. While my sight was pretty good I just noticed the details and clarity and I think this helped to sustain it. This partial flash which lasted much longer than any previous flash I have ever had is encouraging and tells me that I am doing the right thing, and also my visual systems are beginning to automatically operate at a more optimum level.
Where I am now in my journey of vision improvement seems to be different to my approach when I started journaling on this site very recently. I concluded that it was about mental focus. I still believe it is, but we only see this in retrospect or from an acedemic point of view. My "noticing" the area of central fixation is purely an activity of the mind, or the awareness. I am not directly or deliberately doing anything with my eyes. Yet at the same time it doesn't feel like I'm trying to do anything to centrally fixate my mind either. I have tried in the recent past to "think one thing best", but just like the eyes, you cannot do this deliberately without causing strain. You just have to facilitate this natural function of eyes and mind working together through a natural awareness of, initially what you are seeing, and maybe what you are thinking (perhaps during palming). A deliberate attempt to see or think one thing best leaves me with the act of "trying" along with "doing". Two things best and therefore conflicting. As Master Yoda says in The Empire Strikes Back, "Do, or do not. There is no try." (Or words closely approximating that). If we are trying to see one thing best, the trying causes failure. If we are noticing one thing best, we are truly focused. The manifestation of that focus will follow.
Hey Jimbo, I have been reading your journal with much benefit. I feel like I should comment on some of the things you said in particular, as they parallel with some of my own thoughts and discoveries.
Trying along with doing: spoiling the sight or your efforts really resonates with my experience. There is something about forcing thoughts or actions in a certain direction that spoils them or tires you out. This is to such an extent that I see the problem of forcing things to be congruent and even greater than vision problems, as one finds out when they "force" themselves to try to see better and inevitably only succeed very momentarily and tire quickly (like the first 3 months of my vision experiments). I notice that there are times where I am inside the rapture of my thoughts or daydreams and when I am away from them for a moment, or look at something while I am involved with them, my vision will be improved a very measurable degree (sometimes at the cusp of 20/20 or so).
Particularly, I have thought about the concept of feedback, especially in relation to strain. I see what bates called "strain" as mental or physical feedback that you feel based on your thoughts, actions or awareness's at the time. Considering that the problem we are facing is a literal "blur" of vision, it is easy to make the connection that we are mentally and physically Squelching our greater visual capacity by the thought or act of "strain".
From this line of thought, it makes me wonder the following- do we deliberately lower our vision by the act of forcing ourselves to do or think a specific thing that we are currently having trouble with to the exclusion of all else?
In other words, by ignoring the other thoughts, feelings and other types of feedback we get from our mind and bodies and instead trying to force a specific type of outcome, do we ultimately crush our ability to be productive, think and solve problems?
The way I see it, myopes deliberately through force of effort try to do specific things while ignoring the feedback they get from their bodies. What results from this is a person who quickly tires, the vision blurs(due to forcing the issue, ignoring feedback,etc.) and it becomes hard to think clearly.
The solution to this I believe would be something like this: Only work with what you can understand or conceive/think about at this moment in time. Play around and experiment with it without putting force of effort to try and make it do a particular thing.
EX: Imagining a letter or shape that you saw, but not trying to force yourself to imagine parts of it that you are incapable of doing at that moment, because that will cause a strain and you will feel negative feedback from your mind and body.
This a completely different way of approaching how a person does and thinks about things, but as in every other medium of self-development, isn't that what we are aiming to achieve in the first place?
Keep it up Jimbo, I know that you are getting close to figuring this out.
The idea of feedback is an interesting one and I am inclined to agree with it. Maybe the trick is understanding the feedback and knowing how to respond to it.
I also agree with the idea that strain affects our whole lives. Myopia is just one symptom. There has been times when I have touched upon the correct way of doing Bates practises and while going to sleep at night I experienced short waves of deep relaxation going through my body, like those feel good chemicals you get after exercise or as a response to intense pain (I remember when I banged my shin badly once!) I strain at a lot of things and most things feel like hard work for me. Quite often my sense of exhaustion comes from not being able to see.
You mentioned about working with what we understand and can cope with now. I find that by just being aware of central fixation works well for me this way. It is just noticing. If I still don't see more clearly, I still congratulate myself for just noticing one area best. I use the word "area" because that is as good as my central fixation is most of the time. The concept of a small point is too much of a strain for me, but I can handle an area since it is what I naturally fixate upon right now.
I had quite a good day today. Went out for lunch with relatives. Was being aware of my central fixation yet not giving it too much attention so that I could actually engage with the people I was with. I do feel a bit wary of letting go of that visual awareness, and I would say that is a source of strain which I will have to nip in the bud. But my vision was much better than usual anyway and without too much effort. Effort, after all, is the enemy. It likes to creep in stealthily.
Went into the supermarket yesterday. Nothing unusual about that, and neither is it unusual for me to struggle to see clearly in a supermarket. I have been practising just being aware of my central fixation. With this new awareness I realised what happens when I go somewhere where there are things trying to grab my attention all around. What happens is, my attention completely disperses. So, when I go into the supermarket I am bombarded by strategically placed products wherever I look and my attention just zones out completely. Yesterday I found it difficult to just notice what has in the central area of my field of vision. Obviously for normal sighted people this isn't a particular problem, but when you have weak central fixation, it can feel like hard work just being aware of that central area of vision. The point it proved to me was I create my own central fixation by placing my attention on whatever is at the centre of my field of vision. Basic stuff I know, but before I knew it in theory. That's the thing with the Bates Method and all areas of learning in life. You understand something in your head, but it isn't until you have found your own way there through experimentation and instinct that you then truly understand something experiencially.
For the past several days I felt that I already had some central fixation, but I think the fact of the matter is, I have no central fixation until I centrally fixate my attention. In other words, notice what is in the central area of my vision. This acedemic gain in understanding does not, and should not make any difference to the practise, as the practise of noticing "my central fixation" works for me and is the most relaxed way for me. But in actual fact, I am instead noticing an "object" in the central area of my vision. That is what I think I am really doing. And by noticing the object, I create centrally fixated attention on that object. If I try to notice my central fixation with my eyes closed, or while looking at a blank wall, it is more difficult because there is nothing - no object - to put my attention on. Anyway, this is what I am thinking at the moment, though in practise I still just become aware of what my eyes appear to be seeing best, whether or not I am aware that I have deliberately placed my attention in that area or not. It is like this - imagine your bathroom mirror steamed up apart from an area in the middle where the condensation has been wiped away. That is the closest I can come to describing how I notice a centrally fixated area.
What also happens at the same time but without intent or effort (if done properly - relaxed) is I notice the difference between the central area and the surrounding areas. So it is not about trying to block out the peripheral areas, but neither is it about trying to consciously compare the periphery and the central area. It just happens instantly and naturally. It doesn't happen all the time as my visual systems are still relearning, but when It does happen - when I notice the comparison - it seems to accompany clearer vision.
There are times when I am tempted to take my attention off the central area because it seems to be even less clear than the surrounding area. At times like this I just allow myself to notice that the centre is not how it should be and resist the temptation to zone out. As long as I am still noticing the central area.
There are other times when I feel my eyes straining in this exercise as I feel that I am inadvertently trying to narrow my visual field. When I first practised central fixation with effort and therefore a lack of understanding, I would have the same experience of blocking out the surrounding areas as too much attention was focused in the central area. Then the muscles in between my eyes (whatever ones they are?!) would tighten and feel rigid and the initial clear sight I gained would soon become very poor again because all I was really doing was straining. Often when we strain at a technique we initially experience very good vision, but this is a red herring. So, what I do when I notice that I am straining in this way is I remember to allow my EYES to see the whole visual field, but maintain mt ATTENTION on the central area. Now I am not trying to manipulate the eyes, and I have rebalanced the ratio of attention between the central area and the surrounding area. So, I think we have to NOTICE the central area best (even if it isn't SEEN best ie, everything around it is sharper - like the reverse of the bathroom mirror idea) but that doesn't mean that the central area is the ONLY thing we notice. We just notice everything else a bit less.
Yesterday I began to find my practise of central fixation a strain. I think I was beginning to interfere with my eyes and expect clear vision. This kind of thing often happens and it could be a sign that we need to step back and maybe stop, or lessen what we are doing for a little while. I had to remind myself to use my attention, not my eyes. Also I had to remind myself that the only thing I am aiming for is to focus my attention on the central area of my vision. In the end it wasn't a bad day for my eyesight, but these kind of days can easily just turn into a massive strain followed by the demoralisation of thinking that what I was doing has stopped working. I think the only reason a technique stops working is because we lose our relaxation in doing it.
Today I felt more energised in focusing my attention. Either the partial rest yesterday helped, or I found an easier way of doing it today. My practise and understanding of central fixation is changing and simplifying on an almost daily basis. These are my latest conclusions:
I need to focus my attention on the central area of my vision. Focusing my attention is simply paying more attention to that area whether or not it looks clearer than the periphery. If I cannot seem to let my attention focus on a smaller area, then I simply widen that area of central fixation, often with positive results.
If I resist the temptation to disperse my attention (which can happen when my vision is under some pressure) I do not find that my vision deteriorates as I feel that it would. Instead it either remains the same (and it wouldn't if I try to take everything in at once - it would quickly get worse) or it does actually improve. This is important to remember when you feel the strong urge to see everything equally because the situation is making demands on your eyesight.
The area of central fixation need not be that small. I think it depends on your level of progress or how bad your vision is. If it feels like an effort to pay attention to a small area, then try a significantly bigger one. Eventually I see an improvement in vision along with a sensation of release particularly on the sides of my eyes closest to my nose. My area of central fixation is always changing in size. Sometimes it will get quite small. I may find that my attention is on a small part of a bigger blur, and while I allow my attention to shift, what I am looking at will become sharp. But if it feels like a strain, I keep my central fixation fairly wide and move on.
Today has been quite good in that I am learning to simply pay more attention to what my eyes are seeing in the central field of my vision and I have simply been accepting what I see there but I am noticing it more than the surrounding area. As often as I reinforce this behaviour and work on this habit I consistently get a feeling of release and clearer vision, even when under pressure to see. There is nothing burdensome about this practise for me as my attention is being given free reign and I don't have to try and narrow my attention to a point which feels like a strain. My eyes have felt fairly loose have not tired. Sometimes a tightness comes but I either just ride it as I am practising central fixation, or I widen the area of fixation. This is all purely an exercise of the attention. The eyes are just left alone to respond.
