Every once in a while, when my male partner is clowning around and I swat in his direction, he fake-complains, “You can’t hit a man with glasses on!”. (His are about -7 and he never takes them off except to sleep.) The first time I heard this, it surprised me. Some part of him LIKED having glasses to hide behind! Did he feel this kept him safe? What about me — had I felt that way as a child too, with those heavy thick glasses on my face?
A few nights ago I was listening to a healing tele-seminar. The speaker was guiding the callers to envision personal blocks or barriers they might have constructed when they were younger, to protect them in some traumatic situation. Perhaps they had built a virtual brick wall around their heart, so no one could hurt their feelings like that ever again. Perhaps they were wearing a suit of armor, so they wouldn’t feel the blows from an abusive parent. However, of course the barrier also kept the person’s energy or love or creativity from flowing out freely. So then the healer guided the callers to imagine the barrier disintegrating or melting away or crumbling into dust.
As I followed the speaker, I saw my own barrier as a wall of thick glass, curving around my whole body like a transparent shield, taller than I was. Was this a metaphor for the thick eyeglasses I wore as a child? Imagining myself in this scene, I felt safe back there behind my glass fortress, although maybe a little lonely. I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to break down the wall. It felt too violent and destructive to smash at the glass, and it was so thick I knew it would take a lot of heat to melt it. As I focused my energy on it, thinking about how I did want to be closer to people, more accessible yet still protected, it then started to crumble! The glass wall slowly broke apart into small round pieces of safety glass (!), like a shattered windshield. I love how the body’s images can be so literal.
This safety glass concept gave me a lot to play with. Yes, it’s true I only need glasses now if I’m going fast, driving at high speeds or at night. I’d like to think I no longer need glasses to protect me from other people. I am much less anxious, and also have other tools I did not have as a child. I can walk away from someone who is yelling at me now, or maybe even speak up! I do not have to stand there and “take it”, getting more and more tense, fortifying that internal wall and making it thicker yet.
I’d love to report that this exercise gave me a huge improvement in my eyesight — not exactly. At least not yet! I am more comfortable now with my current state of blur and clarity. I can feel that I’m fighting the blur and resenting it much less, which can only be good. Even though we had heavy rain here today and it was gray and dim, we’re past the winter solstice, so every day the light is lasting a minute or so longer!
There are several visualizations about my eyesight I play with regularly, seeing myself on top of a mountain looking miles into the distance, or my eyeballs perfectly round relaxing into their sockets, moist and cozy and safe. I will add the crumbling of that no-longer-needed “wall of protection” which keeps me separate from the world. Here I am — no more hiding!
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