Years ago in my corporate computer job, I made a sign to hang over my desk saying “Accept it, don’t fight it”. A lot about the corporate culture annoyed or frustrated me, especially the poor or confusing or totally lacking communication. And I quickly realized getting upset about this “wrong-doing” didn’t help to fix it.
Throughout my years of vision improvement, a big area of focus (ha ha!) has been not “trying to see”, but instead allowing myself to receive the images which want to come my way. It occurred to me recently that straining to make my sight better is actually resisting the blur! What if I just left the blur alone and didn’t use my energy to fight it? Would this allow it to clear more easily?
A few days ago I returned from a trip across the country to an energy workshop. This involved 2 planes each way, and shuttles and taxis. If you have a travel plan, be prepared for the Universe to laugh at it! Resisting the changes in schedule, or getting upset about the other travellers crowding me or blocking my way or being very noisy or otherwise rude, won’t usually change the situation, and uses up my energy for no good reason.
Several times on this trip I had to rush, and I have yet to learn how to do this calmly. I could feel myself anxious, not completely present or focused. Because my first plane arrived quite late, I needed to hurry to my gate for the 2nd plane. Slightly off-balance from my heavy backpack and not fully in my body, I fell forward hard on both knees. Bleeding, instant bruising, plus some embarrassment at making a spectacle of myself.
I was fine, and did make the plane, then had the entire 3-day workshop and the long trip home to baby my injured knees, which were a constant reminder not to rush. I’ve written before about vision and rushing, and about being present and in my body and grounded. These have all been challenges for me. Today’s focus is on resistance. How was I resisting the travel experience?
Well, instead of seeing it as an exciting adventure, and a chance to practice staying grounded, or patient and determined, I saw it as something to “get through”. I was definitely fighting what wanted to happen, and I probably made it worse for myself. It’s like when 2 young gals approached my house one morning recently. I immediately concluded they were selling something, and was almost rude when I answered the door. They were cheerful and friendly as they handed over my keys for the newly constructed mailbox! I was wrong, resisting again for no good reason.
One more recent example. A friend invited me to teach a small group of women over Skype at her house. Though I wanted to do it (and had plenty to say!), I was expecting rejection, judgement, or boredom. I’m passionate about the subject I was discussing and demoing, EFT, and really wanted to convey its power, yet I had no faith my talk would be well-received. The attendees did like it after all, stayed engaged, and several who volunteered saw a decrease in their symptoms from the EFT work we did together on their problem. Once again, unnecessary resistance on my part.
Back to my vision — lately I’ve been tuning into my eyes and visual brain just to see if I’m in Allow Mode at the moment, or am pushing against the obstacle of fatigue or dim light or a distraction I’m not able to ignore. If the guy outside my window weed-whacking his lawn, because it got too long to mow while he was out of town, is too loud for me to think, would earplugs help? Or should I just go do something else and come back later to my task which needs quiet concentration?
My first vision teacher, a holistic optometrist, said “Myopes can tolerate a high degree of discomfort”. At first I was flattered — since I was very myopic back then, I must be really tough! This makes me groan now. Maybe I just got very good at resisting what wanted to come into my visual field. I put up a big barrier, then expected to see through it anyway.
If “Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom” (a quote sometimes attributed to Thomas Jefferson), I intend to be vigilant about noticing when I’m in resistance about seeing. If I’m not aware I’m doing it, I won’t change it! When my vision is clear and open and relaxed and welcoming, there’s no resistance. I want even more of that in my life.